If Only
by Miss Lovelin
Summary: The story of Jasper, from when he died to when he finally passes on. Oneshot. Rated T for language. SPOILER WARNING


**I don't own Camp Camp.**

 **guess who got into camp camp I love Jasper and Neil so much hhhhh**

 **I apologize if this feels... idk, ingenuine? I never found any fics about how Jasper actually died and the aftermath and what would happen if he did pass on.**

 **quick note: there's some jaspvid in here but they know it's too late for them, so they already moved on and stuff please dont yell at me**

* * *

The end came fast. For only a moment it hurt, but then there came a weightless feeling. Like being made of just air, or plain nothing at all.

Jasper found himself overlooking the rubble of the exploded cavern, burnt chunks of wood and pebbles littering the ground, the only things that remained. The evidence was gone... and so was his body.

And it took only a moment to realize this, the end of everything he had ever known before...

He lifts his hand to his chest and feels no heartbeat, no nothing. Watching Davey row back to the camp by himself, Jasper couldn't make any sound. The explosion seemed so loud to him, but being alone on Regular Island -now and probably forever- made it feel like the smallest, most insignificant thing ever.

And Campbell would likely ensure that no one would ever know that he died here. He would be stuck here, in a place he hated, forgotten by the rest of the world...

The tears began to fall and wouldn't stop.

* * *

In the morning, Jasper heard quiet voices approaching. He hid, despite being sure no one would be able to see him anyway.

"Huh...? The cavern's mysteriously disappeared!"

...Davey. No other kid possibly had a voice like _that._

Jasper didn't have time to question just how Davey didn't notice the pile of rubble in front of him before Cameron Campbell's grating voice piped up. Jasper frowns at the sound, anticipating what the man had to say.

"HOLY SHI- I mean... _oh, wow-"_ Campbell starts, grinning nervously, "isn't that, er... strange? I suppose the, uh, venomous crabs finally... uh... destroyed... the place..."

"I wonder what happened to Jasper," Davey mutters, "I... really wanted to say sorry to him for what I said last night, but he didn't come back." His tone was regretful.

Jasper feels the icy pangs of regret bubbling from within. Even as a spirit, the bitter emotions hit him with full force. He runs to his friend, opening his arms for a hug.

"Davey, I'm here and-"

He embraced nothing. His form only phased through Davey like a chill in the wind. Neither he or Campbell was aware of his presence.

"-I'm... sorry, too..."

" Oh, well," Campbell meticulously pieces what happened last night in his mind, "Davey, I'm sorry to say that... Jasper's parents came to pick him up early this morning."

"WHAT!?" Davey and Jasper shouted in unison. The latter felt betrayed by Campbell. Again. He desperately hoped Davey wouldn't believe such a bogus claim...

"Well, Jasper _did_ talk about wanting to go back home," Davey recalls solemnly, taking the bait, to Jasper's dismay, "I just hope he didn't take any photos that would shut down the camp..."

Campbell just chuckles, still clearly nervous but not a twinge of remorse in his tone. He starts walking the boy away from the shattered cavern, not looking back even once and leaving Jasper alone.

"Don't worry, Davey. Something tells me... he didn't even have the time to do it. Don't question it. It's completely normal. Now, let's see what genius ideas are in that folder, shall we?"

Those words burned into Jasper's mind and stayed there for years afterward. His prediction about Campbell had been right- to anyone else, he would always just be a missing person.

* * *

Many years spun past, and Jasper was still trapped there. He knew every inch of the island and everything that lived on its lonely shores.

Catching on to the strange phenomena his ghostly presence caused, Regular Island was renamed "Spooky" Island by the camp, horrible at naming things as usual, and anyone _normal_ coming to the island was a rarity.

Who _did_ come visit regularly, though, Jasper had to avoid completely. He personally thought it would be a _better_ alternative to be trapped here alone for an eternity than have to be near _them_. He wished he could remember the terrible thing that he might've done in life to deserve having them for company... maybe it was the fight with Davey on the day he died. They could never make up, after all.

The day Jasper learned that Davey had become a counsellor at Camp Campbell was a very exciting day for him. Seeing how David looked as an adult made him wonder how he would have looked, had he been able to live a normal life and grow up like everyone else from back then. Maybe he and Davey would've still been close friends in the future. Maybe more than that... if only.

Where does the time go? Still, it made Jasper so happy for once to see his old friend again, even more so when he notices David never really changed after so long.

He soon realizes it would be a good opportunity to try to find a way to make amends with David- after all, it was some much needed closure and he was desperate to pass on.

Though all attempts were fruitless, the ghost couldn't stop trying to get through. He couldn't travel far from where he had died, so going directly to the camp was not a good option.

Things seemed utterly hopeless until some campers came to the island. While the first two times they came weren't helpful as Jasper felt obligated to hide the fact that he was a ghost, on the third visit, three of the children had uncovered the truth and went to confront him.

They promised to tell David that Jasper was sorry for what happened, but Jasper still couldn't pass on. The children came back with the reason.

"David doesn't even fuckin' know you're dead, man."

Oh. Right.

Davey never questioned Mr. Campbell, not even fourteen years after the fact.

It would crush him if he found out, but Jasper's unfinished business would be done if he did...

Would it be selfish of him to make his best friend see the bitter truth so he could escape this disgusting sex dungeon island and finally be at peace after fourteen years of watching the world go by normally without him?

But... David had a right to know what really happened. Maybe the real news would spread to his parents, wherever they were. And if they could finally talk again, one last time...

"Would you mind bringing Davey here as soon as you can...?"

* * *

It was so very kind of them to stay true to their promises.

A feeling of deja vu overwhelms Jasper, a quartet of soft voices slowly approaching as that fateful day fourteen years before came to mind.

Four figures appear on Spooky Island's shoreline, curious and undaunted.

The shortest of the children, Max, was the first to notice Jasper waiting. Looking up at David, he seems surprisingly apologetic as opposed to his earlier apathetic attitude. It was a pleasant change.

"Before we show you this, we just want you to know we're sorry for not telling you before."

"Not telling me what?"

Jasper was floored by the difference between the Davey he remembered and his adult self. He probably wouldn't recognize him if it weren't for the hair. Taking a deep breath, he reveals himself.

"Davey?"

David just stood in a stunned silence for several moments.

"I think you broke him," the green haired girl, Nikki, whispered. Immediately after, David finally responds.

"J-...Jasper...?"

It occurred to Jasper that David could _see_ him now. No longer invisible or just a silhouette of a person, but looking almost as if he were real, but he hadn't aged a day since the last time they met.

Tears are already streaming down both of their faces but neither of them are aware of their own.

"It's been a while, huh?" The ghost starts calmly, mentally preparing for an intense reaction, "you've gotten... really tall."

"I-It's you? But... you're still... you don't..."

Hopefully it won't be too overwhelming to explain to David. He spent fourteen years thinking Jasper just went home...

"For fuck's sake," Max murmurs under his breath.

"I know, I know. It might be a lot to take in," Jasper continues, "but I think you're obligated to know the truth, Davey."

David suddenly clings to Jasper in a hug, weeping quietly. The ghost manages to stop being intangible to reciprocate the gesture.

Some things never change...

"Don't cry, Davey."

"Are you... are you dead? ...You're a ghost?"

"...Yes. But it was my own fault."

They go back and forth for a few minutes, the children quietly observing, shuffling awkwardly.

"This sounds like a personal conversation. We should leave them alone..."

"Let's go throw rocks at seagulls."

David and Jasper don't pay any mind when the campers leave.

"It sounds so painful to die the way you did... I'm so sorry, I was still there, I should have heard, I should have known, and i-if I had never left-"

"Nothing was your fault. We were just kids. I've been stuck here for so long and all I wanted was to apologize to _you_ for that day."

David blinks.

"I've wanted to apologize to you, too... I thought you'd still be somewhere out there, that you might resent me for what I did to you... and I never knew you died..."

"I would never resent you. You didn't know because that was Mr. Campbell's lie. Though, I think if he told you the truth then and there, you wouldn't stay the Davey I know anymore, and I wouldn't want that. I want to see you happy."

They exchange quiet, solemn smiles.

"I don't want to haunt this island forever, Davey. I know we've just reunited, but do you think... you could do me a favor?"

* * *

The barren patches of earth where the cavern had exploded were now covered with colorful flowers.

"Your parents don't even know what really happened to you," Max mutters to Jasper, who looks at the flowers with tears in his eyes as if he hadn't seen any in years.

"I think Campbell told them I just ran away," the ghost responds, looking down at his hands, smiling at the fact that they had become slightly translucent, a sign that he was getting closer to finding peace.

"I'm pretty sure after fourteen years, they probably think I was just ungrateful to them and ran away to France or something. But even though it didn't end well for me, I'm really happy for Davey. He found what makes him happy because of this camp, and at least he got through his childhood... unscathed, y'know? He was a very angry kid when he first got here, but I'll be honest, seeing him smile for real made my ordeal with the cliff and the bears worth it. Even if I lost my camp spirit in the process."

"I'm sorry... I think if I died here, my parents wouldn't care," Max looks down.

" Well, if they don't, forget them! They're just sad, neglectful, pitiful people. ...Like Campbell. Look, someone always cares... I know Davey would. Nikki and Neil would, too. But you gotta think more about spending time with those who love you, right now, while you're still here. Don't think of them mourning you," Jasper tries to pick up a flower, but it only stays a moment before falling through his hand.

"I never had anyone here to mourn me when I died. But you're going to have a lot of people looking for you if you ever get lost... I was thankful for just one. He was all I had."

Max seems to ponder this before softly smiling.

"I guess that's true."

Jasper stands up, finding it difficult as his body was starting to fade from the bottom up. Max lets him lean on him for support.

"Just a little more time," Jasper pleads quietly, "I don't want to forget anything."

* * *

"It won't be forever. We'll meet each other again someday." Jasper is leaning against a tree, now, clinging to it as it was the only thing that could keep him standing.

"That's... a little morbid, if you think about it," Neil interjects.

"At least he's proof that there is some kind of afterlife, not some meaningless void like Max thought," Nikki shrugs, "You can't really blame him, anyway, he's dead-"

David tries to give Jasper another hug, only to phase through him. So they just pretend.

"I've missed you for so long, now I have to miss you again?"

"...I can't respond to that without saying something overly cliche about being in your heart, Davey, so I'm just gonna say... yeah. But I've missed you, too, and I'll miss you again."

"So, are you... all done here? You're moving on, or whatever the hell happens?" Max asks.

"I guess-"

"But-! Before you go-" David clasps onto Jasper's disappearing hand, seeming almost desperate, "I need to tell you... I'll regret it forever if I don't."

"...?"

"When we were campers here, you were my only friend. The day you died and afterwards, I wanted to deny that I lost someone I cared about... but I couldn't. I kind of liked you back then."

Jasper's face turns cherry red immediately.

"Like... _like-like?"_

"Yeah..."

Neil turns to Max as this continues.

"Hah! He IS gay! Called it! You owe me 20 bucks!"

"FUCK!"

Jasper starts crying again, but still keeps smiling.

"You should have told me sooner! I like-liked you, too..."

"I know it's late, but I needed you to know. And I needed to know what really happened to you, so thank you. You deserve that closure. I can tell you've been waiting and suffering for a long time," David reluctantly steps away, "so all I want for you, wherever you end up, is to be free. I won't ever forget you. No one should ever be forgotten."

"Given what nasty shit the Quartermaster does here, I really fucking hope there's therapy wherever you're going," Max comments, shuddering from the memory, "Good luck, Jasper."

"Sleep well, okay?" Neil smiles, "I don't know what exactly happens when you die or what happens after you pass on, but as long as you have some kind of peace, that's OK by me."

"Tell my grandpa I said hi!" Nikki shouts from a tree branch.

Jasper wipes tears off of his face as he starts to fade away entirely. Sunlight passes through his form as if it were only made of water droplets, fragile and delicate.

" _I_ _never thought anyone would remember or find me. But you did._

 _Thank you."_

To this day, they never forgot the vibrant smile of a child that was once lost, but was finally found.

* * *

 **forgive my anime bullshit but Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day was a big inspiration for that last part. like I will just blast "Secret Base" while writing this and**

 **rooster teeth if there's an episode where Jasper finally passes on, onscreen, can it just be one big shitty reference to the final scene in Anohana because I want those feels I want to cry dammit**

 **I hate myself because this is the only fanfic I wrote that I put swears in**

 **Also, sorry for all the "..." I don't know what I'm doing**


End file.
